Just Doing It.

On tracking more than cash flow.

Hi everyone!

Welcome to my new subscribers, most of whom have moseyed over either from the Historical Novel Society’s Carolinas chapter or from Jami Attenberg’s #1000wordsofsummer challenge. So glad to have you here!

And yes, I provide a K-pop song for your listening delight every week. You’re welcome.

Yes, I Should Be Making More Money….

In last week’s post, I commemorated my 45th birthday by taking a precise, unflinching look at my income as a freelance journalist.

This is 45.

I received lovely comments thanking me for my transparency. I appreciated them!

I also received various iterations of the following sentiment: with your qualifications and talent, you should be making more money.

I appreciate these thoughts, too. Yes, yes I should make more money. Even as an early career journalist, I should make more than I hope to this year (a whopping $40,000).

But the reality is that many freelance writers make their money writing content — essentially ad copy. And I just don’t want to do that. Nothing against it, but as a disabled person with limited bandwidth, I’d like to focus on journalism.

It’s no secret that journalism wages have stagnated. Most writers are lucky to get paid $1/word, which was a middling range back in the 80s. Adjusted for inflation, that rate should be $4/word. Don’t take it from me; take it from Wudan Yan, freelancer badass extraordinaire:

The narrative we tell about getting paid $1/word

As much as I appreciated those comments, they also made me chuckle a bit. I’ve only made more than $40,000 a year twice in my life, when I taught private high school in New York City. It didn’t go far, since two-thirds of my income went to rent.

Before then, I was essentially a professional student: K-PhD, baby. My mom paid for most of that, but I did get a stipend when I was a PhD candidate. At my peak, I made a whopping $25,000 a year. In New York City.

And that’s good for a humanities PhD.

It’s worth adding another reminder here that I was born with class privilege, the daughter of a doctor. So, I never had to worry about making enough money. I also was actively encouraged to put education before money, due in large part to Iranian cultural values — something I wrote about for The New York Times.

So, should I be making more? Yes, and I don’t plan on peaking at $40,000 a year. But in my calculations about my career, money hasn’t been the first priority.

Again: I recognize that’s a HUGE amount of privilege. I’m lucky and grateful. And it’s not like I can live off of Mom’s money forever. I will have to make more money if I want to live a comfortable life as I get older. But I have a safety net lined with juicy, velvet cushions, and I’m happy to trust that net will catch me as I build a financially sustainable career. And I think I can! Especially if I spend more time paying attention to the numbers.

….But I’ve Still Managed to Kick Some Real Ass!

In focusing so intensely on what I’ve made thus far this year and how, well, far it is from where I want to be, I managed to overlook something:

I’ve actually carved out a pretty fucking good start to my journalism career.

I posted about this on a variety of platforms earlier this week, including Notes:

I mean…that’s not half bad, right? Especially for a career I never imagined for myself. And I’ve got some great stuff planned: lots of goals and projects in the works.

So, it’s worth taking a moment to sit back and acknowledge that I’ve kicked some pretty good ass so far.

(Apparently this is the second-generation K-pop group 2PM. credit)

And yes! I also have a new role: news editor for The Biltmore Beacon, a small local paper that serves a variety of areas around Asheville and beyond. It’s very new, but I’ll share some thoughts on what that job entails at some point. (I did mention it in last week’s pitch, calculating how much I can expect from at most 4 hours per week at $25/hour.)

The Power of Positive Doing

New subscribers will soon learn that my energy waxes briefly and wanes hard. I spent the last week or so doing almost nothing. I’d wake up, blink a few times, and then the day was gone. Fuck all accomplished. Many naps, some quite long.

This pattern happens to me on a regular basis. I do suspect that it’s my way of being: a couple weeks going hard with work and then crashing. I’d like it to change but am also aware that my body is the ultimate arbiter. I can’t force it to do something I don’t want to do. Or, I can…but I just pay for it.

Like the time I broke my ankle last November. (It’s still hurting, actually. That’s not a good sign.)

Broken, Not Bent.

But I genuinely need to get off my rocker and try to earn some of that remaining $27,000 of income that’s not yet guaranteed this year.

So, I finally caved and started doing something I HATE. Not just tracking my time, but [duh duh duhhhhhh!] SCHEDULING IT.

(Yes, I admit this only begrudgingly. credit)

And lo and behold, it’s been helpful.

So, yeah. Old dog new tricks yadda yadda something like that or whatever.

I’m currently feeling all righteous and productive, but I’m also reminding myself that this ALWAYS happens. I always have a good week of working at a good clip, not even needing naps — look at what a worker bee I am! smugness up the wazoo —

And then I crash. Hard. And those blink-and-you-miss-’em-because-I’ve-napped-two-hours-every-day weeks are right back on track.

So….we’ll see. I’m cautiously optimistic. Not that this pattern will last forever, but that I’ll approach it all with more intention. That’s the good part about scheduling: when you set intentions and you meet them, there’s a certain satisfaction in that. The bad part is when your schedule is too big for your bandwidth. Given I’ve had about four hard working days without a nap, that moment might be on the horizon for me.

For those of you who are curious, I just use a spreadsheet that lays out each hour in 15-minute increments and fill in the time with stuff I need to do. Stretching and workouts are in there, as are meetings. (I’ve had a lot of those recently.) No real magic here.

But it’s a reminder that my version of Nike’s slogan — just do the fucking thing — seems to work for me, if in an odd way. I usually dither about starting something for days, and then suddenly I plunge in and start, like when you jump into a cold pool at once and start swimming furiously to warm up. Dither on the pool edge, goggles and cap on, and then when you almost don’t expect it, find yourself in the water through some subconscious movement.

Spreadsheet schedules, on the other hand, are not spontaneous. Maybe it’s what I need. Maybe it’ll explode in my face. Maybe knowing how much I have left to make this year has proven to be more motivating that I thought. I haven’t landed any new assignments yet, but I am making progress on some things that I hope will pay off: fellowships, finally putting a nonfiction book proposal together, things like that.

On the flip side of not napping, there’s also early bedtime. I’m trying to be in bed by 9:30 so that I’m wound down and closing my eyes by 10:00. Wish me luck on that, as I yawn and look at the clock: 9:50 p.m.

Where the fuck did the time go?

Sweet dreams, babes.

Hurricane Helene & Wildfires: Ways to Support Recovery

Help Catye Gowan Feed People with Dietary Needs! This chef has been out there on her own since the storm began cooking food designed for people with severe dietary issues like Celiac and dietary preferences like veganism. She’s a force for good, and every dollar helps!

Help the House of Black Cat Magic Save Black Cats! Our second cat, Mini Keeper-Moo, came from Binx’s Home for Black Cats, one of only a handful of black cat-specific rescues in the country. They opened up a gorgeous black cat lounge and magic shop last May, but since Hurricane Helene they’re struggling like every other business. They’ve only received $15,000 micro-grants since the storm to save their business — not a cent more. Please help them help black cats!

BeLoved Asheville. These folks are the best in the world — the ultimate model of mutual aid and greeting the world with love. Check out what they’ve been doing, and donate, here.

The Deep End of Hope in the Wake of Hurricane Helene: 40 Days and Nights of Survival and Transformation. A Ground Zero view of the storm’s devastation — and a community’s resilience — from a trauma chaplain who lived it.

L.A. Wildfires: Opportunities to Help

World Central Kitchen. They were unbelievable for us here after Helene. I don’t know the grassroots organizations running in LA right now — LA readers, feel free to share so I can include them! — but I can vouch for the amazing-ness of World Central Kitchen. A hot meal means everything in such difficult moments. I’ll add more links as I hear about places doing great work.

This Week’s Dose of K-Pop: ATEEZ (에이티즈), “Ice On My Teeth”

Back to probably my favorite K-pop boy group right now, ATEEZ. I’m not a huge fan of these “look at what a badass muthafucka I am” kind of songs. But if I’m going to try and celebrate myself, there’s something delightfully ironic about bragging about buying “diamonds at my dentist” when I’ve made less than $15,000 so far this year.

Ice on my teeth? Not yet. Unless it’s from a cup of iced coffee.

Love y’all,

Sara