Seesawing.

A pick n' mix post on an imbalanced life.

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Let’s get to it!

Up: Work-Life Imbalance

Since Hurricane Helene transformed the pace and focus of my journalism, I’ve put important aspects of my life on the back burner: friends, exercise, and for the last six weeks, even reading.

While I read four books this week — a binge to make up for the fast — exercise and friends have proven more elusive. Since I will soon leave western North Carolina for a few weeks with my father in Florida, I’m now trying to stuff friends in, plus work on “the scoop.” (More on that in the post below.)

Sundry Sunday Thoughts

Right now, my life is a seesaw.

Sleep is a great example of this. While petsitting for my neighbors’ cats during the first two weeks of March, I woke up early every day and rarely needed to nap. Since I came home, however, I’ve napped an obscene amount. Two-and-a-half-hours at a clip. I set my alarm for an hour but end up snoozing for a good 90 minutes. This has happened a lot in the morning, too. I’d like to get it under control, but when my body is in this mode, I can’t.

So, two weeks of no nap, decent night sleep. Then two weeks of constant, long napping.

Seesaw.

When it comes to exercise, the timeline is longer. Before Helene — before last May, really, when I sprained my ankle — I was religious about exercising. A daily routine each morning. Hourlong walks every day. Bodyweight strength workouts three times a week.

After the ankle sprain, I became less consistent. Then Helene happened, and I began to work a lot more. Exercise went completely by the wayside. And then I broke my ankle in November.

Broken, Not Bent.

I thought I had recaptured some of that energy earlier this year with a few workouts, but it lasted about a week. And now I’m gaining weight I’d worked hard to lose, and I’m not in shape, and I haven’t prepared my ankle not to break again.

Seesaw.

Same with my novel. Last year, I was writing 500 words a night. While I’m not sure that was the best idea — they were unfocused words that left me with 168,000 words and an unfinished draft — I at least interacted with it on a daily basis. Since Helene? Almost nothing.

Seesaw.

I keep acting like Florida will be a chance to reset. Maybe? But if I can’t do it here, I’m not convinced I’ll do it there. (It’s the opposite of Sinatra in “New York, New York:” if I can’t make it here, I can’t make it anywhere else.)

But resetting to that default would just be another seesaw: a seesaw where the scales tip in the direction of everything but work.

I know these struggles aren’t new or unique; hell, I’ve written about this dilemma before in this newsletter.

And I keep coming back to this sense that the seesaw may be my natural mode of being. If it is, then is there a way to keep the swinging a little less extreme each time?

I don’t know. When critiquing someone’s writing, it’s helpful to limit your suggestions to three or less. It’s not possible to address 40 different things successfully. So maybe that’s something I pay more attention to: what are the three things I need to focus on this week?

I’d still like some habits, like walking, to go back to being an everyday occurrence. But maybe I change my intensity depending on the week. This week, I’ll fit in the hourlong walks. Next week, I’ll do 15-30 minute ones and be happy with that.

Maybe I’m indulging in wishful thinking here. But I find myself falling into the habit of not doing anything because 10 minutes working on the novel or 10 minutes of core workout feels so little as to be pointless. It’s not! I know that intellectually. But not deeply enough to break out of my inertia. Not yet, at least.

If you feel you have some balance in your life, what helps you stick to it? Let me know.

Down: Thanks for Your Selfie Thoughts

I received many lovely emails after last week’s post about my dislike of selfies. It’s lovely to know I’m beautiful in your eyes, though as I said last week, it doesn’t change how I see myself.

My Problem with Selfies.

I do think putting my face out there more is a good thing. But posting on social media — it takes two seconds! — is another thing I cannot seem to add to my life at the moment.

Up: Ode to March Madness

I write this with Michigan v. Texas A&M on in the background as part of the second round of March Madness.

I know the NCAA is evil, but I love March Madness. It’s one of the most exciting and emotional sports events out there, and it’s all thanks to the players. They’re so young and driven, their joys beautiful to behold and their sadness heartbreaking.

Talk about seesawing! Up and down go the emotions, and the schedule is wildly imbalanced. The first two rounds flood you with basketball, multiple games on simultaneously. But as the teams get whittled down, the schedule does, too. As does the chance of an upset. But in the early rounds? Upsets galore — there’s usually a Cinderella story that makes it to the Sweet Sixteen, sometimes even the Elite Eight.

I have some fond memories watching March Madness. I saw Villanova win the 2016 championship game on a buzzer beater in a gym in Christchurch, New Zealand. Sometime in the 2010s, I was in Boston for a conference and met a good friend of mine, Mike, at a bar where I went to catch the early rounds. We stayed out until about 3 that morning and have become good friends.

You have to love this experience for these college students, many of whom will never turn pro. To be part of something this big must be exhilarating.

Up: Book Blitz

When I said I read four books this week, I should mention that two of them were only about 100 pages: one a history of Buncombe County (where I live) done by the local special collections librarians, and the other a compilation of artists responding to Hurricane Helene.

The other two were Liz Moore’s The God of the Woods and Heather Chavez’s What We’ll Burn Last: two mystery/thrillers, one more literary and the other a page-turner. Both, interestingly, consider the relationship people have not just with each other but with nature. In Moore’s, the Adirondacks are considered a place of magic but also danger that can swallow people whole. Chavez’s book takes place against a backdrop of a forest fire that exposes secrets but also leaves deep scars. (If you want books set in fire danger zones, I much preferred Jane Harper’s The Dry, set in Australia.)

The God of the Woods has gotten a lot of attention, and I can see why. It captures the class tensions between a wealthy family that essentially owns the adjacent town and the workers who find themselves forced to keep the family’s secrets to make a life for themselves. And the plotline is about the disappearance of the wealthy family’s daughter 14 years after their son disappeared, never to be found.

But I ultimately found the title a bit of a bait-and-switch: there’s not enough of the woods for my taste. Not enough of its danger, at least. You shouldn’t have an epigraph describing how easy it is to get lost in the Adirondacks and then make humans the only real threat in the book.

Still, all four were pleasant reads, and I’m glad I managed to put them away before I have to return these books to the library before I leave. Plus, now I’m almost back on track for this year’s reading goal of 80 books.

Down: Leaving WNC Behind (for a Bit)

I’m thrilled to see my dad: it’s been too long, and there’s nothing like Florida’s warm weather to cheer me up. But it’s hard to leave this area behind when I’m so tied to it now, thanks to Helene. I’m coming back of course; it’s just the first time leaving since Helene. It’s a powerful thing, to feel such a tie to a place and its people. But I am hoping the distance gives me a little perspective as well. I’ll still be working on Helene stories — I still have a few due — but it will feel strange not to be here as I do.

That said, it might help with the healing process. I’m not broken or scarred by Helene, but a change of scenery will likely give me…I don’t know, strength?

It goes back to the seesaw. I’ve been stuck at the bottom with Helene, weighted down by her. Maybe this break will allow me to lift myself up a bit and be a little more balanced.

Still — I’ll miss everything about home here. When it comes to the people (and the kitties and the view), there’s no better place in the world.

Hurricane Helene: Ways to Support Recovery

Love Asheville From Afar. This one-stop shop features Asheville businesses that desperately need money to survive the slow winter season. From coffee and food to art of all shapes, to simple donations, you can get a range of thoughtful gifts for just about anyone in your life.

Asheville Goods. Another site where you can buy themed boxes featuring a bunch of local shops — or customize your own!

Help Catye Gowan Feed People with Dietary Needs! This chef has been out there on her own since the storm began cooking food designed for people with severe dietary issues like Celiac and dietary preferences like veganism. She’s a force for good, and every dollar helps!

BeLoved Asheville. These folks are the best in the world — the ultimate model of mutual aid and greeting the world with love. Check out what they’ve been doing, and donate, here.

The Deep End of Hope in the Wake of Hurricane Helene: 40 Days and Nights of Survival and Transformation. A Ground Zero view of the storm’s devastation — and a community’s resilience — from a trauma chaplain who lived it.

L.A. Wildfires: Opportunities to Help

World Central Kitchen. They were unbelievable for us here after Helene. I don’t know the grassroots organizations running in LA right now — LA readers, feel free to share so I can include them! — but I can vouch for the amazing-ness of World Central Kitchen. A hot meal means everything in such difficult moments. I’ll add more links as I hear about places doing great work.

Support Karen and Ingin’s Recovery from the Eaton Fire. I was asked to share this GoFundMe for a journalist of color. If you can, check it out and give.

This Week’s Dose of K-Pop: SUGA of BTS (방탄소년단), “Seesaw” (Live at Tokyo Dome)

Well, this week’s K-pop song was pretty obvious. SUGA is my bias (my favorite member) in BTS, and this was his first solo that became a bit of a hit. I wasn’t a fan of the group when this came out, but I love the metaphor of a difficult relationship as a seesaw — especially if you think of what happens when one person steps off a seesaw. The other person plunges to the bottom swiftly, a physical manifestation of the emotional fall. Pretty clever.

Love y’all,

Sara